The world is tumbling down just above your head. It’s like an egg unleashed from one’s hand to enjoy the freedom of flying for a while but afterward its freedom is thwarted by fate. It’s really coming with all the violence force ready to squeeze you, crush and thrash you to reduce you to trash then throw you to the litter bin. This is how it feels when one lets go of true love. It’s rare to find it and whenever you have the opportunity to seize it, do it with both hands. Putting my thoughts in this somber script gives me double thoughts of whether true love really exists.
And if it does why does it keep on playing games in front of my naked eyes? Eyes are the windows of the soul. I believe that and that’s why am writing this piece as clouds of tears converge themselves just below the pupil of my eyes showing how love can really pierce one’s soul to the last bones. The lachrymose are sweaty and it’s only a cold substance that makes them like this. Crazy ideas are crisscrossing my mind left, right and center. Am speechless but I believe some traces of sense are still remaining to serve as remnants of the small logic I had about love.
I rarely fall in love or trust human but when you’ve gained my trust and love or trust human but when you’ve gained my trust and love I truly mean it. That principle has made me limit myself to have a chain of girlfriends the way many love. I love a solitary environment to gather and conceptualize new ideas stolen from nature. That makes me every now and then to be friend nature. Though still at the verge of befriending it, it gives me many reason to doubt if it can honestly accept me. It however formulates puzzles and webs of many questions all over me.
I am Mamadi, an introvert by personality but an extrovert in thoughts. May be that’s why nature tries to battle me when it comes to my love life. Am a sad man whose life has been fully dictated by nature or can I call it fate. I hate fate but I love it too. I love hating fate as I hate loving fate the same time. Plunging deeply in the world of Romeo and Juliet, I at first decided not to be so hard to myself and at least fall in love. I didn’t know it’s this dangerous. I have never subscribed to infidelity or cheating as I fully subscribe to honesty as my best policy.
Love is a co-existence mutually intrigued deep from the soul of two Romeo and Juliet’s. That what makes one a true gentleman not just by title but considering one’s actions. After my O-level I was not hard to myself and fell in love with Sharon. It was just a phone call misdirected. Being a gentleman I always try to be, I talked to her as politely as my sweet mum taught me phone etiquette.
The girl was sick so she had come home for treatment from an oculist or optician perhaps. The pity I felt for her made me to be checking on an imaginary person every day to console her she will get well soon. That’s how I first fell in love with someone I have never seen. My instincts told me she was a good person, indeed she was as after about three months is when the feeling was much mutual and we declared girlfriend and boyfriend. She was young, in high school but I told her, the good way she has been to me is what attracted me to her. I told her I was willing to wait for her as long as she wants until the day she will join campus to join me there.
She was an intelligent girl, so understanding, a perfect potential match like Caroline Kimetto. I admired her personality so much. Though up to date we have never seen each other, I believe we owed each other a great trust able to sink any obstacles on the way. I believe this was true love between two people so imaginary because they have never seen each other. It gave me hopes of achieving my dreams of wishing to have one love partner until the day decides otherwise. This lasted for a year and a half let’s say.
I joined campus and campus being a good example of how the moral fabric of the society is so weakened, I still promised Sharon to be the best boyfriend she always knew. I have always believed everything is possible on earth if you have your God. This belief kept my hopes of meeting Sharon someday and telling her how much I meant to her. Campus being a ‘den’, I always kept off girls so much to be honest to Sharon and not to betray her trust in her absentia. All this time I have been good to her so there was no reason to change myself despite what. It’s been two months since I joined campus and the past two weeks or so Sharon was home for half – term. We’ve been chatting as usual through our phones with holding the trust we both owed for each other. Sharon has been yearning to tell me something but she feared doing it. I could tell from the text she sent me lately.
My instincts on the other side told me that there is something sinister with Sharon. I couldn’t think of Sharon cheating on me either me doing the same thing to her. She was so uncomfortable. I suspected that may be I have not been giving her so much attention as I used to. But I had already explained to her that I won’t have enough time whenever I will have joined campus. There was nothing else but to just suspect this because I was sure I have been the first man in her life and she was the first woman in my life. Sharon was too bright just like her elder sister. She told me that her elder sister had secured scholarship to go to the States and pursue heart surgery under a scholarship program.
I believed she would make it because she texted me her results. I believed they were authentic enough to buy them. She had become the first student in her class with an average grade of an ‘A’.
She feared texting it as I exerted so much pressure on her to tell me what was wrong with her. I didn’t know hell had broken loose on Sharon. I tried to mount more pressure through texting her many things but it’s like her mind was caught in a dumb founded shrubs that she couldn’t text anything again. I decided to give her a call. She took some time to pick it up and immediately she picked it to speak, I could hear as if someone was crying. I beseeched her to tell me what was wrong with her. She stammered and it’s like she was even crying more over the phone. I asked her to stop crying and tell me why she was doing that. She reduced the pace of her cries and she went on stammering “please, please Mamadi…. do…. Don’t think ….. Think otherwise please, I …. I ….. I just request our relationship to come …. Come to an end,’ she said this as she continued crying like a baby whose right to have a banana has been infringed.
I quickly cut this conversation as I felt like the tumbling world had already reached its destiny to crush me down and pressed me so hard on the ground. It’s like some gigantic man had hit me a very hefty blow making me so unconscious. I dint know whether to cry or laugh. I was so confused more than the word itself. The true love that have longed for so long was biding goodbye to me just like that. I phoned and pleaded with her not to take that step but the more I spoke, the more she cried. I had to give her an okay after long persuasion of push and pull.
She then gathered a little strength and explained to me why she decided that way. Sharon was going to join her sister in the States. She sent me a very long text saying how sorry she has been to me. I was so quiet and the somber mood engulfed the whole of me. Whenever I reflect how much I loved Sharon. I almost burst to cries like a baby. A few days we text each other like friends but we kept it so brief.
Seeing her text made me think a lot that’s why we always kept it brief. The day she was jetting out of the country, she text me and tried calling but I had a lecture. I didn’t have a chance to know her last word to her ex. Every day it pained like a fresh wound whenever I remembered Sharon’s imaginary picture. A month or two I was at the verge of recovering from a broken heart problem.
At the verge of recuperating slowly, silently and in solitude, Caro came my way. I knew Caro as a sister of my bosom friend in campus. A potential match of Sharon, an exact replica of her. She was pursuing medicine in the same campus as mine. She usually comes to see her brother almost every day. Unlike all the ladies I have seen around in campus, Caro had her own uniqueness character wise and decent.
She is one in a million. A typical wife material that has got the brains and heart to operate on cadavers. I slowly grew fond of her that she could sing for me a times and she once gave me her meal.
Even though she has declined having a meal with me uncountable times, I believed and strongly convinced that her personality was indeed of a true definition of a woman. We exchanged even ideas mostly when I realized she was an author just like me.
This commenced my attraction to her that I wished she would someday consent the day I will ask her to be my girlfriend. I feared asking her this because she would maybe take me to be an opportunist. I kept this deep feeling for myself for so long. I suspect her brother was starting to sense but anyway he was my friend. Caro’s brother and my feelings were two things at stake. Day by day I felt like telling her but was afraid. I knew I had started rebuilding my love life again but this was a mere dream. Not until Dickens one Friday afternoon came happily telling me how Caro has gotten a scholarship to go abroad.
It once hit me like a bomb that Sharon had come inform of Caro and did it again. Am sure what I felt for Caro wasn’t infatuation but true love. She was to go in four months’ time. I remained quiet dumbfounded. Again, true love is leaving me. I stopped writing this piece but inside me was burning the urge of continuing to reflect more and more. Caro’s memory engraves itself in my mind so much that it is not easily washed away the way a stain can be washed. It will take perhaps decades before it’s washed. So saddened I am she may not realize the much sadness she has caused…….
PART 2: (Cooking)
BY : MAMADI EMMANUEL