I am to be partly blamed for the fate taking place. I have never confessed to her the much I felt for her. Procrastination is the killer of time. Time is the victim here but in real sense I am that time. I couldn’t just befriend Caro then the next day confess to her how much love I felt for her. After all she would have gotten rid of me the moment I would have confessed to her.
Am not sure but my instincts always serve me to my satisfactory. That’s what she would have done maybe. She would have thought that am there to toil with her feelings again the way many guys of my age do. Honestly I couldn’t do that because I understand how it feels to let go of someone whom ones heart, soul and mind has yearned for many years. You may read this thinking it’s a fiction or a fairy tale. The truth is that it’s not; it’s a true story that am trying to get answers from nature, fate and love. All these co-exist and the fact that they are good servants to others they also dictate some peoples life. I categorically fall under the oppressed. This justifies why Caro-you are leaving.
It hurts a lot when you love someone and the person has never shown any interest in you. The only way I try to overcome this is by being silent, think a lot and slumber. Putting my thoughts into writing also motivates me a lot. Caro is leaving by August. I don’t know when I would see her last and say goodbye. I doubt even if she will come personally and say it.
Am sure she doesn’t feel anything, not even a trace of what I feel for her. Maybe am just exaggerating though am a little skeptical about this statement. Caro confessed to me alone that she was leaving and that she did so after pressing her to the wall to tell me. Failure to which she would have just gone.
This is how Caro’s strictness can sometimes make her do. If you two don’t bond that much she won’t give a damn so much either. Sited at the edge of the bed with her in the company of her brother, I seem sad. The information about Caro leaving the country had been leaked to me with Dickens. This information had crushed me making me appear gloomy since the day he told me. All night staring at the darkness up to midnight before having a little nap prompted me to want to hear it from Caro herself. I schemed when Dickens attention to Caro has been diverted then I chipped in the question. “Is it true?” seriously I asked with sadness, the whole of my posture could tell how sad I was. She strikes back with a question “what is true?”. I keep quiet for a while looking down confusedly expecting the worst answer from Caro. “Is it true that you are leaving?” I slowly whisper it to her. She smiles then proceeds quizzically, “leaving to where?” The conversation turned to be a question answered with a question. “Okay, is it true that you are leaving for abroad?” I courageously stroke back this time. “Yes, I am leaving for Havard to study something to do with surgery.” Caro happily said. Hearing her said it intensified the tension for a while as I sulked. I found myself thinking a loud saying how hefty that blow was to me. She exclamated saying “A blow! How?” I remained quiet, felt like crying, ashamed for not being a man enough to confess to Caro how I always felt for her. She at one point questioned the reason for me sulking. She expected me to be happy for her the way Dickens was. I faked a smile then changed the topic. She realized this as she turned to do what she loves doing ‘chatting’ she wouldn’t give a damn that much about me. Maybe she thought that I was envious of her going abroad but in reality I couldn’t hide my sadness after being crushed emotionally like that. Not that I was not happy, the thing is that she didn’t realize how my heart was broken into pieces on seeing the only woman I always wished to have for life leaving me. Caro, I know you reading this script might have changed your perception about me. Maybe you may now start viewing me as an opportunist, skimmer, pretender and ‘hevil’ but honesty I couldn’t keep all this emotions for myself. Sorry if you don’t like it but I just had to unleash it to you before you go. You have a global mind and that’s why you were envisioning Harvard University. You might have had your own plans of getting there, do best in your studies as always and get a love life from there. The wave that directed you to come to UON is the one that has caused me all this emotional trauma. Asking you to be my girlfriend at this point when you have set your mind to do other things I know its least of your worries. Internal tears will always trickle down my soul, showing how sentimental a soul can feel when true love escapes away. If you would wish you can reply me before leaving. I don’t believe life is planned but this a times makes me convinced that it is. It s a hard nut to crack but Caro’s reply would have cracked it.