Life in the Mid-20’s

Why do we always have to start with this!

Apologies ; its been forever since i wrote here; si life can give you lemons and you spend the rest of your life making lemon juice ~~

Anyway being a blogger is not one of the most exciting things to do, but somehow it follows us all through; sharing life is one big step  we choose to do.

So cheers as you enjoy this piece !!

love love

Photo from google search feed

I was walking out of school (Driving School)  i have to specify because some of you may start saying napenda kusoma .   and boom! i got knocked down by a motor bike. Luckily I didn’t fall down but i really got hurt and bruised. I just stood up and went to the stage and picked up a matatu . As i got in; tears filled my eyes and i couldn’t even look up. the only  wish i had was to get home and have a really humble time to sob and cry loudly.  Through all this i started asking myself series of endless questions which i never had answers for and then i realized how much damaged i was emotionally and now it was getting physical.

At this point in life, nothing seems to work; everything seems impossible, your projects and businesses are no-longer exiting, your temporary job kind of lasted  forever, All your interviews keep bouncing,the workplace is hostile ,you are always broke, bills are like your BFF ,working out no longer makes sense ,hanging out with friends becomes a duty, everyone seems to have their sh#$ together, you can’t help but feel freaked out every time an engagement or baby announcement pops up,  you cant help figure out even the smallest crisis you may have, your relationship is on the rocks, tears are always ready to drop; everything is at a stand still!

So i came across this post


I just couldn’t stop laughing and  making smiles, i was like i sooo relate! From there i took time to involve myself actively in life and i can say~ Mid 20’s is no-longer as bad as i thought it was. here are a few things i did, i hope that someone who feels the same may find this useful.

1. Talk to someone

Find someone who you can freely talk to in the most crazy way. their is always someone who cares (Mom, Dad , Brother ,sister,boyfriend,best-friend,mentor). cry to them, share your fears and worries. this actually helps a lot. a problem that is shared,  is actually half solved . It works

2. Social Media Anxiety is not worth it at all

No-one posts their failures and anxiety. everyone seems to be traveling and having it all out there, do not feel pressured. Just do you! spend little time online and use that time to do more resourceful things. have yourself figured out and stop wishing ~ Live it

3. Do something that makes you happy

The truth is we cannot always have what we want.  But we have choices. life is all choices. if you love blogging~ do it, f want to start a YouTube channel~ go ahead, if you want to start your business~ what are you waiting for, if you want to get married~ haya! go ahead, . Just find what makes you happy and focus your energy their. you will have so much positivism. that is what you need the most.

4. Don’t let your degree define you

Sometimes we can enclose ourselves to a cocoon that is not even meant for us. explore, get to know about yourself and what you want to do and what you love. grab opportunities, fly and enjoy life. never enclose yourself to do something you don’t love. Its not always about the money!? ama

5. Make your circle of friends active

Ensure you meet up with your peers. this is a chance to encourage each other, (at this point you will get to know you are not alone) , have fun, travel, have those sleepovers, party~  Make memories , laugh, have fun,  trust me once you start doing this~ You will be re-energized and more motivated to face them bricks of life.

6. Pray

This is my final but most key element of all . Talk to God, tell him how you feel, ask him to guide you. He will guide and stand by you until all this crisis is over. God will give you a reason to live and a great hope for tomorrow.


The truth is, no one has everything in order~ and life is not all about money, career, marriage or any other thing we freak about!. All this things only bring fulfillment and happiness if we are happy with who we are and who we have become. So lets find happiness with self


For now, its time to figure ourselves out  and what we want with our lives. Don’t worry; we will get there. ~ Meg



Love Love



by Pixabay

‘Poor Street boy.’ That is my name.

A title  I earned from my satirical society that preaches water and drinks wine.

One that rebukes abortion yet despises teenage pregnancies, a society of people who smile

with a dying heart, a society that made me vagabond and gave me a name they considered to be good.

Name shattered as my dreams, a title broken as my hard heart that painfully still bleeds

for a normal drug free-life, a life that would see me hold a book and pen for change,

but it’s just a wish.

And now I live by my long gone memories of the good old days,

when life was life,

when I was five,

when I’d feel alive

when papa was there to see me survive

when mama’s only wish was seeing her only son thrive in life.

Those days are gone, and so are they.

Such a reminisce.

Our shallow- pocket background unfortunately

would never give us the chance to know life,

as much as life is all we ever asked for, happiness to them was defined by figures.

Papa took to the drug peddle and an introduction to his slow death and planned meeting

with the angels began upon addiction,

he became a junkie  I no longer could recognize.

Sweet mama wouldn’t cry on the outside but deep down her soul was lost and her heart wilted in pain of something she couldn’t control.

And on that fateful day, mama perished of heart attack upon the

sad news of papa’s public shooting during his ‘daily hustle

It was on this day that my life took a turn. Water became thicker than blood

and worse more, pin-strike pain in the heart seeing  friends walk away at my time of need

so I took to the streets to fend for myself. It never got any better.

Left alone in my tenth year of life

I had to survive.

I took to the daily sniff

I took to the bottle and smoke became my cloud,

I had the need to forget and so the needle stuck by my skin

life got better as I became papa’s replacement in his business

and started living the dream.

But I was living a lie.

life by the blade, bullet spots on my thighs,

bruised conscience and blood in my hands.

anger of a tiger, instincts of a viper all in one dead soul that seeks redemptiom

with a hazy lit shade of hope

but still tightly held by the influence of one thing


And now in pain and vain I cry for my dry veins

my dead dreams on this death rag, just a wish it was a bed

just a wish, I saw some light

Just a wish, I fixed it up for a simple pure life

And it’s my wish to do it right again,

Just a wish for a second chance.


©Malcolmx Dewn Sunguti


I never thought I would ever climb mount Longonot again. I had done it two years back with Campus Ministry (That is a ministry in our Church) and I may say it was a sort of turning point my life. The last time we climbed, I just went through to the top and back down without considering lessons. This time round it was different. I learnt so much that my mind kept pressing me to share it.


Sometimes we close some doors thinking we will never go back to them. Sometimes we get happy of things we have overcome not knowing we might go through them again. Keep lessons you have learnt, they might be helpful if you go through the same problem. And if you go around a problem twice, the experience will be different and you will come out more sharpened.

Well, I was not able to pay the hike on time. My lack got when one of my TAG members (this is an accountability group in church) was not able to attend and I took her position. Sometimes we may not know how things occur: they just happen. It doesn’t matter if doors were already closed. If you were really meant to go somewhere, achieve something, acquire something: TRUST me it will happen.

When we got to Longonot, it was rainy. In my mind, I wasn’t prepared for a rainy hike. I feared for my health since am known asthmatic and was contemplating in my mind if I would really climb with the rain. Well certainly it didn’t rain after all. I can confidently say God will always make the situation bearable. God does not give you a problem you can’t handle. He held the skies for me and so He will do it for you. Whatever you’re going through, it is bearable for you.


Before we climbed the mountain, we warmed up, ate food and were given instructions. All this prepared us for the walk that was ahead. Similarly, God will always prepare us for the walk that is ahead of us.

Our first instruction was that we should do a solo walk.


Walking alone was interesting and challenging as mind got so crowded but also there was so much to observe.  There was a guy who always used the bushy road. People laughed and giggled as they saw him bending inside the bushes.apparently, He got to the top faster than most people. Sometimes you feel like solving an issue differently. go ahead and do it. You do not have to do the cliché way. Believe in yourself. I also tried using the bushes sometimes and it was better. It wasn’t dusty, crowded and slippery. It was the best way to go up. Do You!


Well when I did the solo walk, I got to the top faster. I left many people who we had started with behind. Sometimes to move upwards, we must leave some people behind. Its naturally life. The truth is: the people around you will determine your pace to the top. Let’s be wise on who we keep close.

picture by Atenya

On the other hand, I realized if you hold people’s hands, you will help them to get to the top faster. A good leader should be ready to push and hold people’s hands to get them to the goal. Leading people entails sacrifice of time, resources and requires so much patience. Some people will give you a little bit of trouble but push through.


Everyone you meet in life has a significance. Some will help you climb, some give you a hand when you need, some will give you moral support, some will crack jokes and make your journey interesting, some will challenge you with the speed they are moving in and others  you will not even get to interact, you will just see them .it doesn’t matter all these people have a significance.

Getting to the destination wasn’t easy but it was worth it.


At the top, the view was very beautiful, the air was fresh and we could see trouble (that is the buffalo’s). I wish I could stay at the top but I couldn’t. The truth is after the climb you must always come down. You don’t always stick there. You will come down with many lessons, maybe some bruises and fatigue. Time will heal all these things and all that will remain will be memories.  Life then must move on.

Until the next climb keep the lessons.

Life is like a mountain, hard to climb but once you get to the top the view is beautiful. -Unknown

Mount Longonot was Beautiful.

mt longonot


Meg Nyakeno



I sat at the back of the class, as I wiped my tears and trying to ensure nobody notices me.

When you walked in, you noticed and you came and sat right beside me.

You tried talking to me but I was resistant to communicate.

You held my hand and said everything will be okay.

You then slide a note in my book “text me when you get home”.


That is how it all started.


I got home and wondered why you did all that.

I didn’t want to text you, but I found myself holding the piece of paper on my hand.

And That night was one of the most amazing ones of my life.

Finally, we had a moment.


I felt a sort of relief and I thought? This might the beginning on something new.

So through the corridors you always smiled at me.

You always complimented me and told me how beautiful I looked.

After long weekend breaks you always told me how much you missed me.


You sat beside me in class and helped me out with most of my assignments.

I knew I could count on you? Yes I believed in you.

You gave me a shoulder to lean on, and had my back whenever I needed you.

With all this you gave me a reason to believe.


During those late-night studies,

you stole a kiss and embraced me with passion.

What more could I ask for?


So do I deserve answers for the sudden change of mood?

Am I entitled to any explanation of the cold treatment?

Why did you leave all over sudden?

Many questions still linger through my mind.


All you say is am acting crazy yet we never even dated?

Why did you let me fall for you then?

Why didn’t you define what we had?

I invested so much emotion and now am broken


I haven’t really gotten over you, now that you treat me like a stranger and enemy,

Your thoughts consume my mind and I can’t feel myself any more.

I Slap myself on the face and Say

Here you again! Use your head miss.



I still think I need answers.


I wish you told me I wish I knew

That you only wanted us to be Friends

I fell in love

I still don’t know why.


Now seated at the back of the class, as I wipe my tears and trying to ensure nobody notices me.




I will write about the love of my life.
Everybody out there is singing and telling their love stories. Ladies and men are posting about their baes and loved ones. Instagram, Facebook, twitter everybody is writing about their woman Crash, man crash, everyday crash and all that crash.
May be writing about how much I love you may cost me most friendships, relationships but I don’t care because this is exemplary love, true love. Even if it costs me my life, I will say how much I love you.

So as I start praising the love of my life. I want to sing the GOD of all creation. A personal friend, a loved one, the Lord who gives me hope to keep moving.
The creator of heaven and earth;
The one who separated Light from darkness, God of Life;
The Lord who separated Water from Land, God of great Intellect;
The Lord Who Created plants animals and stars, a God of great beauty;
The Almighty Who created all human beings in his Image and likeness, God of Love;


When I call his Name am not joking, when am writing about him, it’s not for my sake or anybody’s sake, rather for the Glory of His Name.

You’re the Lord,
Who does me lots of favor in this life
Gives me life, when I have lost hope;
Provides my needs when I need thee most;
Has done miracles in my life, that nobody could thought could ever happen;
Forgives my sins, when am as dirty as charcoal;
Comes to visit me, when no one does;
Dresses me up, when I have no clothes;
Pays my depts., when the owners need them;
Fights my wars, O God of Victory;
Died on Calvary, just for my sake;

How do I pay, O Lord of my life; I can only worship and praise you My love. All glory and honor belongs to thee O God.

Sometimes you may think your friends love you. But when you need them most, they will be nowhere to find. They will watch at a distance and sigh, watching how you’re suffering. Some will even mock and rejoice at your downfall. But when the Lord Lifts You Up, they will be their singing praises together with you.
My Lord has never forsaken me, He is always their though thick and thin, in good and bad times. That’s why am happy and full of joy for his names sake.
Even if I sleep hungry, I am happy, Because I have a feast in Heaven.
Even If I don’t dress, I will still be happy, because I will wear a gown in heaven.
Even I don’t have luxury, I am still happy, because I have a home in heaven.

Thank you Lord of all Might, for life, love and everything you’ve done in my life.
What hinders me worshiping you O king of Judah?
I love you, and for this love, let me praise you for you have shown me so much love.
And that is the story of my love.

Be blessed.

Inspired by a Luo Praise song.


I am to be partly blamed for the fate taking place. I have never confessed to her the much I felt for her. Procrastination is the killer of time. Time is the victim here but in real sense I am that time. I couldn’t just befriend Caro then the next day confess to her how much love I felt for her. After all she would have gotten rid of me the moment I would have confessed to her.

Am not sure but my instincts always serve me to my satisfactory. That’s what she would have done maybe. She would have thought that am there to toil with her feelings again the way many guys of my age do. Honestly I couldn’t do that because I understand how it feels to let go of someone whom ones heart, soul and mind has yearned for many years. You may read this thinking it’s a fiction or a fairy tale. The truth is that it’s not; it’s a true story that am trying to get answers from nature, fate and love. All these co-exist and the fact that they are good servants to others they also dictate some peoples life. I categorically fall under the oppressed. This justifies why Caro-you are leaving.

It hurts a lot when you love someone and the person has never shown any interest in you. The only way I try to overcome this is by being silent, think a lot and slumber. Putting my thoughts into writing also motivates me a lot. Caro is leaving by August. I don’t know when I would see her last and say goodbye. I doubt even if she will come personally and say it.


Am sure she doesn’t feel anything, not even a trace of what I feel for her. Maybe am just exaggerating though am a little skeptical about this statement. Caro confessed to me alone that she was leaving and that she did so after pressing her to the wall to tell me. Failure to which she would have just gone.

This is how Caro’s strictness can sometimes make her do. If you two don’t bond that much she won’t give a damn so much either. Sited at the edge of the bed with her in the company of her brother, I seem sad. The information about Caro leaving the country had been leaked to me with Dickens. This information had crushed me making me appear gloomy since the day he told me. All night staring at the darkness up to midnight before having a little nap prompted me to want to hear it from Caro herself. I schemed when Dickens attention to Caro has been diverted then I chipped in the question. “Is it true?” seriously I asked with sadness, the whole of my posture could tell how sad I was. She strikes back with a question “what is true?”. I keep quiet for a while looking down confusedly expecting the worst answer from Caro. “Is it true that you are leaving?” I slowly whisper it to her. She smiles then proceeds quizzically, “leaving to where?” The conversation turned to be a question answered with a question. “Okay, is it true that you are leaving for abroad?” I courageously stroke back this time. “Yes, I am leaving for Havard to study something to do with surgery.” Caro happily said. Hearing her said it intensified the tension for a while as I sulked. I found myself thinking a loud saying how hefty that blow was to me. She exclamated saying “A blow! How?” I remained quiet, felt like crying, ashamed for not being a man enough to confess to Caro how I always felt for her. She at one point questioned the reason for me sulking. She expected me to be happy for her the way Dickens was. I faked a smile then changed the topic. She realized this as she turned to do what she loves doing ‘chatting’ she wouldn’t give a damn that much about me. Maybe she thought that I was envious of her going abroad but in reality I couldn’t hide my sadness after being crushed emotionally like that. Not that I was not happy, the thing is that she didn’t realize how my heart was broken into pieces on seeing the only woman I always wished to have for life leaving me. Caro, I know you reading this script might have changed your perception about me. Maybe you may now start viewing me as an opportunist, skimmer, pretender and ‘hevil’ but honesty I couldn’t keep all this emotions for myself. Sorry if you don’t like it but I just had to unleash it to you before you go. You have a global mind and that’s why you were envisioning Harvard University. You might have had your own plans of getting there, do best in your studies as always and get a love life from there. The wave that directed you to come to UON is the one that has caused me all this emotional trauma. Asking you to be my girlfriend at this point when you have set your mind to do other things I know its least of your worries. Internal tears will always trickle down my soul, showing how sentimental a soul can feel when true love escapes away. If you would wish you can reply me before leaving. I don’t believe life is planned but this a times makes me convinced that it is. It s a hard nut to crack but Caro’s reply would have cracked it.

















The world is tumbling down just above your head. It’s like an egg unleashed from one’s hand to enjoy the freedom of flying for a while but afterward its freedom is thwarted by fate. It’s really coming with all the violence force ready to squeeze you, crush and thrash you to reduce you to trash then throw you to the litter bin. This is how it feels when one lets go of true love. It’s rare to find it and whenever you have the opportunity to seize it, do it with both hands. Putting my thoughts in this somber script gives me double thoughts of whether true love really exists.

And if it does why does it keep on playing games in front of my naked eyes? Eyes are the windows of the soul. I believe that and that’s why am writing this piece as clouds of tears converge themselves just below the pupil of my eyes showing how love can really pierce one’s soul to the last bones. The lachrymose are sweaty and it’s only a cold substance that makes them like this. Crazy ideas are crisscrossing my mind left, right and center. Am speechless but I believe some traces of sense are still remaining to serve as remnants of the small logic I had about love.

I rarely fall in love or trust human but when you’ve gained my trust and love or trust human but when you’ve gained my trust and love I truly mean it. That principle has made me limit myself to have a chain of girlfriends the way many love. I love a solitary environment to gather and conceptualize new ideas stolen from nature. That makes me every now and then to be friend nature. Though still at the verge of befriending it, it gives me many reason to doubt if it can honestly accept me. It however formulates puzzles and webs of many questions all over me.


I am Mamadi, an introvert by personality but an extrovert in thoughts. May be that’s why nature tries to battle me when it comes to my love life. Am a sad man whose life has been fully dictated by nature or can I call it fate. I hate fate but I love it too. I love hating fate as I hate loving fate the same time. Plunging deeply in the world of Romeo and Juliet, I at first decided not to be so hard to myself and at least fall in love. I didn’t know it’s this dangerous. I have never subscribed to infidelity or cheating as I fully subscribe to honesty as my best policy.


Love is a co-existence mutually intrigued deep from the soul of two Romeo and Juliet’s. That what makes one a true gentleman not just by title but considering one’s actions. After my O-level I was not hard to myself and fell in love with Sharon. It was just a phone call misdirected. Being a gentleman I always try to be, I talked to her as politely as my sweet mum taught me phone etiquette.

The girl was sick so she had come home for treatment from an oculist or optician perhaps. The pity I felt for her made me to be checking on an imaginary person every day to console her she will get well soon. That’s how I first fell in love with someone I have never seen. My instincts told me she was a good person, indeed she was as after about three months is when the feeling was much mutual and we declared girlfriend and boyfriend. She was young, in high school but I told her, the good way she has been to me is what attracted me to her. I told her I was willing to wait for her as long as she wants until the day she will join campus to join me there.

She was an intelligent girl, so understanding, a perfect potential match like Caroline Kimetto. I admired her personality so much. Though up to date we have never seen each other, I believe we owed each other a great trust able to sink any obstacles on the way. I believe this was true love between two people so imaginary because they have never seen each other. It gave me hopes of achieving my dreams of wishing to have one love partner until the day decides otherwise. This lasted for a year and a half let’s say.

I joined campus and campus being a good example of how the moral fabric of the society is so weakened, I still promised Sharon to be the best boyfriend she always knew. I have always believed everything is possible on earth if you have your God. This belief kept my hopes of meeting Sharon someday and telling her how much I meant to her. Campus being a ‘den’, I always kept off girls so much to be honest to Sharon and not to betray her trust in her absentia. All this time I have been good to her so there was no reason to change myself despite what. It’s been two months since I joined campus and the past two weeks or so Sharon was home for half – term. We’ve been chatting as usual through our phones with holding the trust we both owed for each other. Sharon has been yearning to tell me something but she feared doing it. I could tell from the text she sent me lately.

My instincts on the other side told me that there is something sinister with Sharon. I couldn’t think of Sharon cheating on me either me doing the same thing to her. She was so uncomfortable. I suspected that may be I have not been giving her so much attention as I used to. But I had already explained to her that I won’t have enough time whenever I will have joined campus. There was nothing else but to just suspect this because I was sure I have been the first man in her life and she was the first woman in my life. Sharon was too bright just like her elder sister. She told me that her elder sister had secured scholarship to go to the States and pursue heart surgery under a scholarship program.

I believed she would make it because she texted me her results. I believed they were authentic enough to buy them. She had become the first student in her class with an average grade of an ‘A’.

She feared texting it as I exerted so much pressure on her to tell me what was wrong with her. I didn’t know hell had broken loose on Sharon. I tried to mount more pressure through texting her many things but it’s like her mind was caught in a dumb founded shrubs that she couldn’t text anything again. I decided to give her a call. She took some time to pick it up and immediately she picked it to speak, I could hear as if someone was crying. I beseeched her to tell me what was wrong with her. She stammered and it’s like she was even crying more over the phone. I asked her to stop crying and tell me why she was doing that. She reduced the pace of her cries and she went on stammering “please, please Mamadi…. do…. Don’t think ….. Think otherwise please, I …. I ….. I just request our relationship to come …. Come to an end,’ she said this as she continued crying like a baby whose right to have a banana has been infringed.

I quickly cut this conversation as I felt like the tumbling world had already reached its destiny to crush me down and pressed me so hard on the ground. It’s like some gigantic man had hit me a very hefty blow making me so unconscious. I dint know whether to cry or laugh. I was so confused more than the word itself. The true love that have longed for so long was biding goodbye to me just like that. I phoned and pleaded with her not to take that step but the more I spoke, the more she cried. I had to give her an okay after long persuasion of push and pull.

She then gathered a little strength and explained to me why she decided that way. Sharon was going to join her sister in the States. She sent me a very long text saying how sorry she has been to me. I was so quiet and the somber mood engulfed the whole of me. Whenever I reflect how much I loved Sharon. I almost burst to cries like a baby. A few days we text each other like friends but we kept it so brief.

Seeing her text made me think a lot that’s why we always kept it brief. The day she was jetting out of the country, she text me and tried calling but I had a lecture. I didn’t have a chance to know her last word to her ex. Every day it pained like a fresh wound whenever I remembered Sharon’s imaginary picture. A month or two I was at the verge of recovering from a broken heart problem.


At the verge of recuperating slowly, silently and in solitude, Caro came my way. I knew Caro as a sister of my bosom friend in campus. A potential match of Sharon, an exact replica of her. She was pursuing medicine in the same campus as mine. She usually comes to see her brother almost every day. Unlike all the ladies I have seen around in campus, Caro had her own uniqueness character wise and decent.

She is one in a million. A typical wife material that has got the brains and heart to operate on cadavers. I slowly grew fond of her that she could sing for me a times and she once gave me her meal.

Even though she has declined having a meal with me uncountable times, I believed and strongly convinced that her personality was indeed of a true definition of a woman. We exchanged even ideas mostly when I realized she was an author just like me.

This commenced my attraction to her that I wished she would someday consent the day I will ask her to be my girlfriend. I feared asking her this because she would maybe take me to be an opportunist. I kept this deep feeling for myself for so long.  I suspect her brother was starting to sense but anyway he was my friend. Caro’s brother and my feelings were two things at stake. Day by day I felt like telling her but was afraid. I knew I had started rebuilding my love life again but this was a mere dream. Not until Dickens one Friday afternoon came happily telling me how Caro has gotten a scholarship to go abroad.

It once hit me like a bomb that Sharon had come inform of Caro and did it again. Am sure what I felt for Caro wasn’t infatuation but true love. She was to go in four months’ time. I remained quiet dumbfounded. Again, true love is leaving me. I stopped writing this piece but inside me was burning the urge of continuing to reflect more and more. Caro’s memory engraves itself in my mind so much that it is not easily washed away the way a stain can be washed. It will take perhaps decades before it’s washed. So saddened I am she may not realize the much sadness she has caused…….


PART 2: (Cooking)






1st year

I was sitting in the lecture room, looking at that girl sitting next to me. She was my ‘best friend’. She had nice hair, humble and was very beautiful. I wish I could tell her that I loved her so much, but I didn’t want to break the bond. After lectures, she walked to me, borrowed some notes of the previous class hugged and pecked me goodbye.

I wish I told her, I wish she knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved her, but I was shy

I didn’t know why.


2nd year

My phone rang, it was her; she called me to tell me how much she was hurt. Her boyfriend just broke her heart. She asked me to go keep her company. I went to see her; coz she was my best friend. As I sat next to her, I looked her in the eye, wishing she was mine. After two hours of having fun and hanging out, she was okay; so I left her to go to bed. Before I left, she looked me in the eye with a beautiful smile, hugged me goodbye.

I wish I told her, I wish she knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved her, but I was shy

I didn’t know why.

3rd year

One day, before the grand school end year party, she asked me to accompany her to the school dance. I was very happy, because every moment with her was special. But we went to the party ‘as just friends’. After the party, I sat at the door. I looked at her, as she chatted with her friends. She happened to look at me, and then gave me that killer smile.


I wish I told her, I wish she knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved her, but I was shy

I didn’t know why.




Graduation day


Days, weeks, months passed. It was the graduation day, so happy and excited we had completed our studies. She stood up, to go pick her certificate. As she walked elegantly, I couldn’t stop staring at her. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t notice me like that. Before she left, she came with her graduation gown, looked at me, gave me a smile and told me, ‘your forever my best friend’


I wish I told her, I wish she knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved her, but I was shy

I didn’t know why.


Wedding day

3 years down the line, in the church, she walks down the aisle, with her parents on her side.

It really hurts me, since my chance is now gone. I love her too much, but I got to let her go. She is being married with another man.

I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t see me like that. But as she walked she looked at me and gave me that killer smile. Whispered to me “BEST FRIEND EVER”


I wish I told her, I wish she knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved her, but I was shy



Burial day

Days, months, years passed.5 years later, I went to mourn the love of my life. The love I was afraid to tell. As I viewed her lain body, it hurt me that she left without knowing I loved her.

During the service, they read her diary. The mc began

‘I stare at him; I would love to have him in my life. I try to simulate situations, but he doesn’t seem to notice me.’ I love him, I wish he knew. I would really want us to be more than just friends. I love him but am shy to say. I don’t know why.



My strength was over, I Knelt before the crowd, as tears dropped down my chicks. Those words touched me deeply. I wish I told her. But its now too late, she is gone.


I wish I told her, I wish she knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved her, but I was shy

I didn’t know why.








Translated version


If she asks you who I am

If she asks you who I am, restrain because she is not starting a fire for an explanation but a door for confession.


If you tell her I was just a girl you dated, she will only give you a hard time. The hundreds of photos tagged in your outdated profile and the stack of books with our names written will be her allies.

If you tell her I was an old friend, she will only hear half of what you have to say. She will recall how you looked at places with a tinge of regret and a shade of nostalgia. She will remember how you skipped a certain song ― a reminder of something you’ll find an excuse not to tell her every time the car radio is on.

If she asks you who I was, lie a little,because she is not crossing the line for answers but for assurances.

Don’t tell her how our lips played with poetry and how we dared to dream under the light of the taciturn satellite. Skip the part where we fought dragons together and how we named each other’s scars.

Reserve the fact that you still keep the letters, notes, old restaurant receipts under your drawers and some tear stained thoughts at the back of your pillow.

She doesn’t need to know why you reread past conversations or why your mother mentioned me at the family dining table just to ask you what I have been up to.

No need for her to know about the great future we had planned. 2 kids and a big country home,

Keep it

but ;

Finally, if she asks you who I was to you, tell her you love her. Put her in the limelight because she is testing you to pull the trigger pointed at her But you won’t. Instead, you will tell her she’s beautiful to compensate for the words you never had the guts to tell me. You will tell her she’s a keeper, for the hell of it. you will tell her a poor research about human cells being replaced after seven years so that one day, I will leave no trace on your body.

She will then forget that you mentioned my name while sleeping.

She will wash the lipstick stains


on your bedsheets and white shirt and remove the extra toothbrush in the shower.

She will ignore the way you twitch, every time you hear a familiar author or my favorite curse word. She will fill the spaces of your fingers and plaster kisses at the holes of your chest.

She will replace every scent of me with her own promises, insecurities, and mistakes. She will do this. She will, because when she asked you about me, she knew I was the ghost of the house.

And at the back of your head, you wanted to tell her

that the damned no longer need saving. But by all means,

darling, she can try.


A keeper indeed

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